When we make the decision to heal often times we backtrack, have breakdowns, emphatically state that it's too hard, become depressed, and create confusion. Most people would rather remain frozen because the pain of our emotion is simply unbearable. We believe we don't have the tools we need to grow beyond our circumstances. Besides, in revealing the truth to yourself will feel like your are some sort of glutton for punishment. You will ask yourself: Why bother?
The Great Iyanla Vanzant as well as many other spiritual teachers will testify that you are not being punished, you are being fortified. You are being strengthened in ways that the creator knows you can handle. If you have been inspired to heal, it is because the universe wants it for you.
When I first began the process of truth, I must tell you that it has been and continues to be some of the most challenging work I've ever done. There were times when I'd rather lick a subway pole than to keep digging inside of the deepest part of me. When truth was revealed I would become the hottest mess of "Whoa is me", celebrating in the thousands of pity parties that I would have for myself. I repeated, analyzed, journalized, criticized, and picked apart my past in attempts to fix or possibly even cure.
I suspect that many of us bury and hide our pain, because somehow we feel that if our past were different our lives would be better off. I couldn't see how revealing the truth to myself and feeling bad about it was helping me. I continued to ask the universe for guidance for my self-imposed confusion. By digging up my past, I was hoping that I would somehow have the power to confront it, change it; mend it, bring it up to speed.
I simply wanted my past to be different. I wanted to have better parents and a financially well off and emotionally loving and supportive family. And I was pissed that I didn't have it. Using the measuring stick of other's lives I felt that this was what I needed and that I was let down by life. I even had a friend who would always say: " You can't just shake that shit off and move on!". It supported my belief that I deserved to remain in emotional pain. This belief was recycled by my heart over and over again, but instead of staying in the past of where I thought it was, I was perpetuating more of it in my future. I continued to experience more of the same in the now.
Well beware of the power of the ego! The ego will try it's best to keep your spirit and brain locked into the vestiges of your past. But the universe knows the real truth about you. The truth is that you are where you are supposed to be right now. The Universe knows that you have the power to create in the now! It is called the gift of free will! I heard Oprah profoundly state: "When you get over the hope that your past could've been different then you know are on your way."
Eureka! Give up the hope! Create the life that you want for yourself now! Starting right now! Your past is simply that, your past. If you continue to let it imprison you, you will continue to create more of the same in your present and your future. Change how you feel about your past. Lovingly acknowledge it, forgive it and move forward.
You have the power of now on your side.
M.
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