Commentary on Crying

I used to scoff at the idea of crying. As with many people today, I felt that crying was a sign of weakness; in certain situations crying even offended me. I held this standard for men and women; especially today's independant woman; one whom of which I considered myself to be. Crying over a relationship; even worse. Secretly, I judged people who cried and dismissed them as needing to get a grip.

Harsh perspective indeed. I didn't know it then, but I was so disconnected from love. It was my mental reasoning that crying would show the world that I wasn't tough; and I needed to be perceived as tough so that could show the world that I did not need love. I was ailing, angry and self-destructive. Let me add unforgiving and judgemental. The building of this protective shield was all that I needed to ensure that I would never experience anything good.

This may not be the case for you, but in retrospect, my inability to cry (or want to cry) was a response to childhood abandonement and rejection. No, I wasn't dropped off in a paper bag on anyone's doorstep. I grew up in a home where I've never seen my single mother cry. We struggled daily as a family on all levels, but somehow my mother's inability to connect with her emotions injected and shaped who I became: a woman who could only count on her perceived toughness to survive.

Crying is the emotional release of the daily wear and tear of living and it is one of the most amazing gifts we can give to ourselves in terms of self- healing. When you cry you declare to the body, mind and spirit that you have the right to release what is being held inside. You are acknowleging to your spirit that you have the right to feel good and that you are being obedient to your heart by self-cleansing it so that it can function properly.

Now. Whenever I feel sad, or joyous or feel any emotion that makes me overflow with love; I release it. And I release it as often as my spirit will allow. This is not blubbering, sobbing, desperation, or wanting sympathy; its simply not about "the act" of crying. It's about the release of negative emotions that prevent us from keeping in tune with what is going on inside of us. Think: emotional sound check.

This might sound corny but think of how brightly the sun shines after stormy weather. The tears that we shed are preparation for the gratitude of life's goodness. We need the rainy days to appreciate the sunny ones. Crying is not a sign of weakness; it is having the willingness to let go of past hurts. Those past hurts could have been eons ago or five minutes ago. Crying makes you feel five years younger, keeps your spirits fresh and revived, and keeps the mechanism known as your heart pulsating with love and forgiveness.

The release of your tears removes blockage. And with less blockage the path to living blissfully becomes easier.

The New Spring Cleaning

It's Spring again, but what will you do differently this time around?

We all have experienced the untidy, unkempted and cluttered house. But have you ever visited a friend's house that literally sucked the life right out of you? Where the wall and the hairballs in the corner closed in on you? Or sometimes its the opposite. Everything is picture-perfect to the point of nuerosis. The place is lifeless, dull and void of any feeling or personality. If you've never had that feeling, more than likely that house is yours. It is a result of living unconsciously and living inauthentically; a form of sleep walking with your eyes wide shut.

Many of us view our homes as a place to sleep, take a dump in, and keep a roof over our heads. But are homes are much bigger than its physical representation; our homes are our sacred space. It's all about the energy, broken down into either a good feeling or a bad feeling. What feeling does your home give you? Does your home weigh you down, sapps and zapps your energy, and otherwise doesn't make you feel good?

At the Bliss Blogs one thing we know for sure is that our homes are a testament to our life philosophy. It answers the questions: How do I see and feel myself living? What do I deserve to surround myself with? What do I want to feel when I step into my personal arena? Does my home authenticate the real me or does is dishonour me?

Yes. It's that deep. Your home can be your gift or your curse. But to the rescue is The New Spring Cleaning. One that addresses the concerns of your home with the life changing vision of finding and/or rediscovering your bliss. This type of spring cleaning is life-affirming because it puts you into alignment with what feels good for you and allows you to step into the light of your truth.

The New Spring Cleaning Philosophy:

• This is the number one guiding principle. Use it as your guide to create the home and consequently the life you want: If if does not add to value to your life, make you feel good about your life direction, or affirm who you want to be-get rid of it.

For books I suggest author Donna Smallin. Her books hit home for those of us who need to get it together but don't know where or how to begin.

And as always remain open and start small. Your journey to your best you does not happen overnight.

Your Breath

Commentary on meditation.

As I mentioned in the last blog, I was a complete skeptic on the idea of sitting still. What for and why when there's cleaning, shopping, TV, reading, cooking, exercise, hanging with friends, a job, my man and homework to do. My to-do list of life keep me nice and busy away from my spirit. I simply believed that if I sat still for a moment that I would be wasting precious time on something that I believed could not provide tangible results.

I always like to say that I believed in God, but at the time I couldn't see how narrowing my life perspective was. I had very limiting ideas on the power of the divine. Like many people I believed that God simply worked out for lucky individuals and then there were people like me whose number he missed. At the heart of my core belief and my self-proclamied "busyness" was that I was unblessed and unchosen. And complaining about my life was just easier. If I surrendered control of my very essence; my breath, then I could no longer participate in my own victimization. And that was downright scary. So even as I read self-help books and became inspired to change, I couldn't bring myself to meditate. The idea of it just felt downright silly.

I wanted to be released from the mental and emotional prison I had created for myself. So when no one was looking I decided to take a chance and try something new. And at first, I was right, it felt silly as all get out. But I figured if so many spiritual guru's from all walks of life say that meditation works then I would just have to be patient. It would be one of the first times I've ever surrendered my ego.

I now preach the gospel of quiet time. Meditation is all about clearing out the mental chatter, and making the connection to the true you. It's about eradicating negative thought patterns and replacing them with love. It's the self-actualization that you are not your pain, your past, or the wrong doings that have been done to you. Meditation also keeps you present so that you can think less about your past and more about the glorious gift that is called your life. Yes! Getting still can do all of this for you and more.

There are many ways in which you can get still, but start small and start with whatever feels right. You can take a class, read a book, or buy a meditation CD. My only suggestion is that you make a decision from this day forward to incorporate some form of meditation into your life daily. I guarantee that you will love your life more.

M.

Transform Your Anger and Ordinary Thinking.

I will be the first to tell you that the word "meditation" was a word that I simply resisted. What came to mind for me was "a waste of valuable time", "what for?", "I can't do that", "How's that going to help me?", " Will it make my problems go away?", "Will it bring me money?" and of course continuous loads of cynicism: "If meditation is so great (oh swami!) then why do we still experience poverty, death, misery and sickness?"

More importantly, meditation sounded like more of the same of so called spiritual hocus pocus that I simply believed was a ploy to help me forget how hard I had to work to get the things that I wanted out of life. I judged meditation as another distraction and another mental tool to help me forget how unlucky I believed I was. I mean...why should I breathe and make a connection to an energy that has failed me, angered me, abandoned me. I in essence, was very angry with my source.

But when you change; the things you look at change. I couldn't see at the time how angry I was. In my mind, anger meant some kind of unruly vigilante. A person who wrecks havoc and causes hell, wrath and fury. Surely that wasn't me. But my, how clever the ego is! My anger was more in alignment with self-loathing, negative self-chatter, and the belief that I simply was not good enough. I had the "woe is me" journals. I've read tons of self-help books that I actually ended up resenting because I believed they all said the same thing. I was so identified with my ego and negative thinking that I couldn't get past my ordinary thinking. At the time, my world was the physical surroundings of my apartment, my education, my body, my hair, my clothes, and my perceived failures. I wanted to be in control because my ego told me that I could not rely on God.

But there's something about surrendering that's so powerful. When you choose to open the inner door to the world of spiritual connection; surrendering is the do good force to feeling on purpose and feeling good. You surrender when realize that everything that you've tried to force fit, or forcefully make happen, simply does not lead to personal happiness. When you surrender, you are ready to trust in the idea of something bigger than yourself.

Often throughout this blog I have recommend that you remain open. Many of you have responded with "How?" "How do I let go?" or "something will go terribly wrong for me if I relinquish control!" Aha! This is where your trust and your faith are best put to use. You simply cannot intellectualize forgiveness, surrender, faith, or trust. They are not college subjects in which you earn a grade. You have to feel surrender. You have to feel forgiveness. You have to feel trust. How do you create the feeling? By aligning your thoughts with positive affirmations, prayer, and by understanding the power of intention and meditation.

In the next blog I will discuss how meditation is a vital part of sustaining your connection to your spirit. The breath is one of the most amazing gifts that the universe has given us to connect us to unlimited power. Meditation transforms your ordinary thinking.

Giving Your Past Your Power

When we make the decision to heal often times we backtrack, have breakdowns, emphatically state that it's too hard, become depressed, and create confusion. Most people would rather remain frozen because the pain of our emotion is simply unbearable. We believe we don't have the tools we need to grow beyond our circumstances. Besides, in revealing the truth to yourself will feel like your are some sort of glutton for punishment. You will ask yourself: Why bother?

The Great Iyanla Vanzant as well as many other spiritual teachers will testify that you are not being punished, you are being fortified. You are being strengthened in ways that the creator knows you can handle. If you have been inspired to heal, it is because the universe wants it for you.

When I first began the process of truth, I must tell you that it has been and continues to be some of the most challenging work I've ever done. There were times when I'd rather lick a subway pole than to keep digging inside of the deepest part of me. When truth was revealed I would become the hottest mess of "Whoa is me", celebrating in the thousands of pity parties that I would have for myself. I repeated, analyzed, journalized, criticized, and picked apart my past in attempts to fix or possibly even cure.

I suspect that many of us bury and hide our pain, because somehow we feel that if our past were different our lives would be better off. I couldn't see how revealing the truth to myself and feeling bad about it was helping me. I continued to ask the universe for guidance for my self-imposed confusion. By digging up my past, I was hoping that I would somehow have the power to confront it, change it; mend it, bring it up to speed.

I simply wanted my past to be different. I wanted to have better parents and a financially well off and emotionally loving and supportive family. And I was pissed that I didn't have it. Using the measuring stick of other's lives I felt that this was what I needed and that I was let down by life. I even had a friend who would always say: " You can't just shake that shit off and move on!". It supported my belief that I deserved to remain in emotional pain. This belief was recycled by my heart over and over again, but instead of staying in the past of where I thought it was, I was perpetuating more of it in my future. I continued to experience more of the same in the now.

Well beware of the power of the ego! The ego will try it's best to keep your spirit and brain locked into the vestiges of your past. But the universe knows the real truth about you. The truth is that you are where you are supposed to be right now. The Universe knows that you have the power to create in the now! It is called the gift of free will! I heard Oprah profoundly state: "When you get over the hope that your past could've been different then you know are on your way."

Eureka! Give up the hope! Create the life that you want for yourself now! Starting right now! Your past is simply that, your past. If you continue to let it imprison you, you will continue to create more of the same in your present and your future. Change how you feel about your past. Lovingly acknowledge it, forgive it and move forward.

You have the power of now on your side.

M.

The Red Love Day

I don't think you'll be surprised to discover that at the Bliss Blogs we are not so big on strategically marketed, commercialized love. First off, there are way too many pseudo romantic, and ultimately corny expectations for Valentine's day. With conditioning, many of us get caught up in the hype of the red love day. Not that love, romance, roses, chocolate, and heartfelt expressions aren't delicious. The Bliss Blogs would be absolutely moronic in saying that gifts aren't the icing on your Red Velvet Cake.

However, what's up for discussion is not the concept of Valentine's day but the knowing of love and its tremendous power. It's power to transform, cure, expand, rejoice, sizzle, and to totally fix what's broken. Yes! Love is the cure all for whatever is ailing you in your life; not the pull of your emotional purse strings. Honestly, this is the kind of love that can't possibly be honored in the time capsule of February the 14th. This kind of love is timeless and universal and it all begins with you.

Do you know love? This love is not a narcisstic, all-about-me, and I'd better get type of love. This is the type of love where you blissfully enjoy your own company while in a relationship. Where if your'e not in a relationship you know that "Mr. Right for you" is on his way. Where you get lost in the passion of your own creativity of writing, cooking, performing, singing, dancing, healing, painting, or the many endless expression's of Divinely given talent. It's when you know that you have the power of the universe replicated inside of your heart.

Connecting with you bliss is key in loving your fabulousness. And simply put, loving begins with you. There's no other way around it. The sooner you connect with this truth the happier you will be on the red day of love and forward. The Love that I'm talking about here is a passion in being alive, in feeling worthy and in loving your imperfections. This love loses grudges and honors forgiveness. This love is eternal, alive, burning, and it's kicking like a mule to get you to honor it.

Your love is more about an attitude adjustment and a commitment to internal growth. All forms of media will tell you to buy yourself flowers, or marry yourself, or to take yourself out to dinner alone. Esoteric, but it doesn't quite scratch the surface. You've got to get messy and deep down to what's real for you. It's about growing into the feeling of your inherit worthiness. I guarantee you that this love will fill you up in ways that you've never imagined.

Loving yourself begins with truth and forgiveness. Forgiveness of yourself and others. Committ to telling yourself the truth at all times and you will forever be connected to love.

Now eat the dern Red Velvet Cake.

M.

Giving It Away.

I don't think that I'm unique when I tell you that I grew up in a family who's primary Modus Operandi was dysfunction. We operated under the family rules of "Don't Talk", "Don't Feel", and "Don't think for Yourself." I simply was taught that it was not ok to "shine." As a result, I was a shrunken kid who grew into a shrunken adult whose primary goal was to not be seen or heard. I gave pieces of myself away, that I can never get back.

• At fifteen I gave away my virginity. I gave it away because I was tired of saying no. It would not be the last time I had sex with a man simply because he wanted it.
• When I would earn a good grade, I would say "Wow, Professor M. gave me a good grade! Never mind the fact that I worked hard to earn the grade.
• I've been in relationships where I didn't receive gifts or flowers. I accepted this because I didn't want to scare them away.
• A certain girlfriend of mine who loved the high life, would always have an excuse as to why she never had money for the high life. I almost always paid her way, because I wanted her company.
• I've been in countless other situations where I have been afraid to use my voice in fear of ridicule or of losing friends.

How many times do we give our good stuff away in the name of devaluation? How many times do we shrink ourselves and our voices in the name of playing nice and not stepping on any one's toes? Every time we give a piece of ourselves away we small our lives and we small our expectations of our selves. The worst part of it is that shiftless people can sniff you out like a shark that smells a drop of blood. They will poke, prod, use and abuse as long as you allow.

It is never ok to be voiceless. So do yourself and favor and stop giving you away. Know and make no excuses for what you want. I'm talking about what you want; not what society wants. (Often we get the two confused) Know that you are already worthy. That you are already whole. That you are already unique; made in the reflection of the Divine's love.

Empower yourself today in re-discovering your bliss, so you that can stop giving it away.

M.