Giving It Away.

I don't think that I'm unique when I tell you that I grew up in a family who's primary Modus Operandi was dysfunction. We operated under the family rules of "Don't Talk", "Don't Feel", and "Don't think for Yourself." I simply was taught that it was not ok to "shine." As a result, I was a shrunken kid who grew into a shrunken adult whose primary goal was to not be seen or heard. I gave pieces of myself away, that I can never get back.

• At fifteen I gave away my virginity. I gave it away because I was tired of saying no. It would not be the last time I had sex with a man simply because he wanted it.
• When I would earn a good grade, I would say "Wow, Professor M. gave me a good grade! Never mind the fact that I worked hard to earn the grade.
• I've been in relationships where I didn't receive gifts or flowers. I accepted this because I didn't want to scare them away.
• A certain girlfriend of mine who loved the high life, would always have an excuse as to why she never had money for the high life. I almost always paid her way, because I wanted her company.
• I've been in countless other situations where I have been afraid to use my voice in fear of ridicule or of losing friends.

How many times do we give our good stuff away in the name of devaluation? How many times do we shrink ourselves and our voices in the name of playing nice and not stepping on any one's toes? Every time we give a piece of ourselves away we small our lives and we small our expectations of our selves. The worst part of it is that shiftless people can sniff you out like a shark that smells a drop of blood. They will poke, prod, use and abuse as long as you allow.

It is never ok to be voiceless. So do yourself and favor and stop giving you away. Know and make no excuses for what you want. I'm talking about what you want; not what society wants. (Often we get the two confused) Know that you are already worthy. That you are already whole. That you are already unique; made in the reflection of the Divine's love.

Empower yourself today in re-discovering your bliss, so you that can stop giving it away.

M.